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Why Not YA #3: The Astonishing Color of After by Emily X. R. Pan

Why Not YA is all about bringing attention to an inarguably underrated genre. Because YA (young adult) fiction is geared towards somewhat younger readers, a stigma surrounds it: can what YA has to say really be of any value? 

The Astonishing Color of After by Emily X. R. Pan dares you to change your mind and will infallibly succeed. 

Warning: This book deals with some heavy topics like suicide and depression, and this review may mention those topics.

Second warning: SPOILERS AHEAD!

Leigh has just lost her mother to suicide. This book follows her as she travels across the world to meet her maternal grandparents, whom she has never met before. While in Taiwan, she pieces together her family’s history from fragments of memories she can’t quite remember. She doesn’t know anything except that her mother has turned into a bird.

This book pushes the boundaries of metaphor, and it does so wonderfully. Leigh feels in colors; Pan illustrates these colors with vivid descriptions. We never get sick of Axel asking her, “What color?” because we’re always dying to know. How does Leigh see this situation? If she dug out the gouache paints from her mother and painted this moment, what would come out of her fingers? 

And the bird: the big, beautiful, red bird that Leigh is sure is her mother. She swoops into Leigh’s life and helps her put together this puzzle she’s left behind. The bird is the driving force of the story, and she plays this part perfectly. She is Leigh’s consistent motive, and she accounts for every plot twist. We aren’t ever sure if this bird is real, and, honestly, that’s the most alluring part of the story. Pan blurs the lines between tradition, dream, and reality with expertise. 

Leigh combats every emotion in the book and sees all the colors. She grieves the loss of her mother, desperate to learn what went wrong. She slowly falls in love with her best friend. She dedicates herself to her art and is heartbroken when her dad doesn’t see it as a career. Each feeling is treated and delicately and as thoroughly as the last, making for an intricate, detailed story. 

Leigh is such a wonderfully written dynamic character. She isn’t perfect; she isn’t anything too special. She’s sixteen. But she sees this bird. She’s committed to finding her. Her character remains consistent throughout the novel without sacrificing a fantastic character arc. Her mother’s death changes her without destroying her characterization.

Pan handles the topic of depression with absolutely no sugarcoating. She depicts it as a convoluted, horrific disease. Dory suffers through the ups and downs of mood swings, which is a refreshing illustration. There is no stigma around the mental illness: she dives right in without ever sacrificing delicacy. 

If you haven’t read this book, you have to. Everyone in the world needs to read this book. This is a story that needs to be told. 



Have you been following #WhyNotYA? Each month, a trailblazing YA book is picked in hopes of decreasing the stigma around YA and bringing recognition to this wonderful community of readers and writers. 


My past Why Not YA reviews:

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